Tuesday, November 25, 2014

My husband

Do you know what the divorce rate is for couples who lose a child?  I'm sure different studies give different numbers, but Justin was reading up on it and came across 80%.  80% of couples who lose a child get divorced.  In some ways, it makes sense.  Their grief is different.  They are not in the same place.  They don't have the same emotions at the same time. They stop relating to each other.

In other ways, that is devastation upon devastation.  First, you lose your child, then you lose your spouse?  How much crappier can life get?

I am pleased to tell you that I love my husband.  I've loved him for almost 7 years now.  But the past 20 days have made me realize how much I love my husband.

I can be really hard on him.  Really hard on him.  In my defense, I'm hard on myself too.  I'm a perfectionist, and as he'd be the first to tell you, a micro-manager.

But my daughter is teaching me what is important in life -- and what is not important.  And right now, I just really love my husband.  When we said "for better or worse," I don't think we ever imagined how bad "worse" really was.  I certainly never imagined this.  But I can't imagine not having Justin at my side to handle the worst thing that has ever happened to us.  I can't imagine not going through this together.

Some days will be harder than others, I realize.  But right now, we're pretty committed to communication and understanding and patience.  And being each other's priority, with Benjamin right up there with us.  


  1. This was one of the most terrifying statistics I read after we lost our Jack… That I would lose my husband, too? That that was a "thing" that happened? Terrifying.

    nearly four years out, I love my husband even more than I did on our wedding day and more than I did when my son died. I love him more now than I did when either of my daughters were born. Because he's the only other parent Jack had.

    Glad you have a husband like that, too. <3


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