I'm a mix of emotions about saying goodbye to 2014.
In many ways, good riddance. What a shitty year. What a painful, painful year.
In other ways, 2014 was the year I carried my daughter. And as it turns out, that was the only time I got with her. Saying goodbye to 2014 feels like another step away from her. A new calendar, one she doesn't get to be a part of at all. Moving forward, further from Lydie.
I hate that.
And I'm also a bit afraid of January.
The sympathy cards have stopped coming.
People are moving on.
I'm afraid that people are going to see us back in our routine and forget about how much we're hurting.
I want to wear a sign that says, "Still grieving my daughter. Please handle with care."
But then again, I'd need that sign for the rest of my life.