Also, I don't want to be in pictures right now. It feels like a way to document what's missing. See, Heather there with her empty arms? I hate faking a smile; it seems like a betrayal to my daughter.
A while ago, Justin and I said we take way too many photos of Ben. Like, enough already, with the Iphone always handy. Too many to possibly count and keep track of. But in the last 7 weeks, I think we have increased our photo count. I don't hear about too many people who are on their deathbed saying, "I wish I took fewer photos of my child."
But right now, the family photos feel so pervasively wrong.
So I was grateful on Christmas Eve, when my sister didn't push us for a family photo, even though it's a tradition. She did ask, the next day, if we could take a photo of the grandparents with their grandkids and I teared up a bit. But then, we took this:
And it felt good to include Lydie.