I bit the bullet and just called my doctor's office.
I have more questions - about Ben's umbilical cord and the "inconclusive" testing results. And many, many questions about Lydie.
My mom and Justin have been encouraging me to call, ask my questions.
You know how usually you have to leave a message and a doctor's office takes forever to call you back?
It seems a stillborn daughter gets you right to the front of the line.
I still had to wait on hold for the nurse. I listened to the "our goal is to ensure a healthy pregnancy resulting in a healthy birth" on repeat. Do you know how hard that is to listen to when your baby has died? It reminded me about how many times my doctor said, she wanted "a healthy mom and a healthy baby." So I was already in tears by the time the nurse picked up.
She suggested I come in today to talk to my doctor.
She suggested we look through my file together and I ask all of my questions.
I have to keep reminding myself: if this is something we could have predicted, could have seen, then that is on my doctor, not me.