Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Bullshit

Let's be clear about something.

I am REALLY angry.

I am really fucking mad.

I am angry that everyone else gets their perfect little families, and every word I hear, everywhere I go, everything I see seems to be throwing that in my face.   I am angry that I will never be able to count my children as I load them into the car like everyone else.  I am angry that I am forced to go on, forced to live without my daughter.  I am angry that the world keeps on spinning, even though she's not here.  I am angry that my son has to grow up without his sister.  I am angry that we didn't do anything to deserve this.  I am angry that my daughter was part of the .15% of babies who die because of a constricted cord.  I am angry that I am going to spend the rest of my life missing my daughter, that we never get to feel like a complete family.

It all feels like such BULLSHIT.

And the most frustrating part?

I have no idea where to direct this anger.
I have no idea who I am angry at.



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