I'm working on this.
But then I wonder if she is lonely. It hurts to think of her there without me. I mean, I still have trouble Benji dropping off at daycare, especially if he cries. How can I possibly think of this long, long life while I am here and she is there?
My mom tells me that she's with the family who has already died. I scoff. I am supposed to feel comforted that she is with second cousins, cousins once removed, and great uncles? I love all of them, but in all honesty, we don't even see my living family all that often anymore, and I don't think Lydia would have built a deep relationship with any of them had she lived. It doesn't offer me much comfort.
But this does:
"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there."