Monday, December 22, 2014

Lydie makes the news.

In July, before we found out the gender of our baby, I told Justin maybe we should try to keep it to ourselves for a little while.  He laughed at me; there's not much I don't tell my mom and sister.  He told me he gave me 15 minutes.

I think I lasted 5.

Laura's response was the best.  She screamed when I said, "It's a girl!"  I laughed along side her.  We were both so excited.  Both of us would have big brother, little sister combinations.  A (small) part of me as a little disappointed that Ben wouldn't have a brother, but he is best buddies with his cousin AJ.   Now the girls would be sister-cousins, we said.  It all seemed so perfect. 

Laura is a reporter and writes a weekly parenting column.  In August, the topic of this column was that I was having a girl.  I can't bear to read this now, but here's the link.

Not too long after Lydia died, I asked Laura if she planned to address it in her column.  I told her I was worried about what the commenters might say.  She always gets the most asinine comments from people who seem to have nothing better to do than stir up trouble.  Laura always has pretty thick skin about it, but then again, she's never written about such a sensitive topic before.  I was worried they would ask what I had done, I was worried they would blame me.  

But more than that worry, I wanted people to hear about stillbirth.  I want people to start talking about this taboo topic.  I want to raise awareness, promote research, figure this shit out. So I gave Laura the okay, helped her revise the column 3 or 4 times, and yesterday, it was published on

You can read it here.

I was right to be worried about the comments.  One asshole asks if the picture of Lydie's beautiful, perfect (although quite large for a baby her size) feet was a photo of "the deceased fetus."  I burst into tears when I read that.  And I yelled, "That's my child you're talking about!"  What an insensitive asshole.

Another person said the topic made them uncomfortable.  Oh, how terrible for you.  I would hate for you to be uncomfortable.

And the third, and perhaps most cruel comment was "And I'm supposed to care why?"

Oh, and this one is laughable: "I hardly think you and your sister should think that medical science can prevent God calling his child home he has given life to in the womb."

I know people are ignorant.  I know these things don't really affect you until it happens to you or happens to someone you love.  But isn't that part of the problem?


  1. Comments astound me. It's like, you would never say that to my face. So why are you cool with writing it? Do you not see me as human? Or are you not human?

  2. People are ignorant and TERRIBLE. I hate them for it. It's so painful as someone who cherishes those photos of those beautiful baby feet. My most prized possession, honestly and truly. And some a-hole writes negative things, closes his/her computer and carries on with their day while we're shattered in pieces. It's just... bullshit. I'm sorry.

    I got chills when I read about the cord constriction. You'll never know. That is exactly our "diagnosis" of how Andrew died and I just hate that it happened to you as well.


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