We keep hearing from people that we need to find ways to honor our daughter, to keep her with us. That's a hard thing to wrap your head around when you're still pretty shocked that this is all happening.
We set up our Christmas tree last weekend. I think Justin and I would be fine to just ignore Christmas all together. But Ben deserves to have a Christmas.
I pulled out the "L" ornament I had made for Lydie.
I pulled out the "Baby's First Christmas" ornament that Oma Jo had bought Lydie.
This is not what I pictured.
Instead of putting them on our big tree, we decided that Lydie deserves her own tree.
And hence, here's Lydie's tree.
A friend of mine, whose daughter died when she was 5 days old, told me that he still wanted to buy gifts for her after she died. I asked, "Like what? What do I buy my dead daughter?"
And now I know: Christmas ornaments. For our Christmas baby.
I love the idea of this tree becoming more and more full every year. When Lydie would have been turning one, turning two, turning fifteen. It will continue to grow.
A day or two later, at daycare, someone - someone we don't even know - gave us a gift. Actually, the director passed on the gift, and said she hoped it was okay to do so. It is more than okay! It is so appreciated.
I may just keep this tree up year round.