I feared this from the beginning. Justin quickly started talking about how Benjamin will understand Lydie. That it's bullshit that we have to talk to our one-year-old about death. How soon he'll ask, "Why does everyone else's sister live with them?"
I thought we had a little more time, but it came to fruition tonight, when I picked up Ben from daycare and his teacher handed me this:
Innocent enough right? Oh, except for that siblings question.
That's supposed to be a clear-cut question. Not something you have to stop and think about how to answer. But it's not. Not for us. Afterall, they didn't clarify whether they meant living or dead siblings.
How should I handle this? I am tempted just to write "Lydia" in that space and leave it at that. No more, no less. I cannot NOT fill something in the blank there. I can't pretend that she never existed. I can't pretend my son is an only child, even though he sure looks like that from the outside.
But I don't have any photos of Ben and his sister together for that bulletin board- there have never been and there will never be photos that include both of them, and that hurts my heart. And shakes me to my core.
Advice from the more seasoned baby-loss mamas? This is uncharted territory for me.
(And dammit, daycare teachers, don't you think you might have been able to use your brains for a second and realized that maybe it would be hard for us to have our child as the fucking student of the month? Can't we just get a pass?)