Wednesday, January 7, 2015


Whenever I hear anyone say the word "daughter," a knife stabs my heart.

It's like what just happened right outside my office.  This is what I heard, "yada yada yada yada yada MY DAUGHTER yada yada yada."

Or when my dad said to my sister, "Laura!  Your daughter needs you!"

The word alone hurts my heart.

I am well-aware that people are not throwing the word daughter casually around just to hurt me.  I am well-aware this is just a common word used in our society.

Maybe it's those heightened senses, catching that word "daughter" even when I don't hear anything else.

I think it would have been different if Lydie was a boy; afterall, I have a living son.  I can't imagine the word son ever being so painful.

Sometimes it's the little things that hurt my heart the most.  Because I'm not always prepared for them.  Because no one else even notices that word, so no one knows how painful that moment is for me. 


  1. I 100% get this...Because I still feel this--when people say "my son".

    Because I have one. And not many people see or know that. And I don't get many chances to say it because frankly, there's just not much to talk about anymore.

    I kind of shudder to think about what you said--How it would feel if you lost a son and then still had Ben. I think about that too--Like, what if Lena was a boy? Would it still hurt like this? When people said "my son"? I don't know.

  2. I do think it hurts more when we don't have at home of the same gender. Because you do have a son, but you don't get to buy all those cute boy clothes. And I do have a daughter, but she just so happens to be dead.


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