Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Done and done

Another conversation that haunts me:

I was in Albuquerque, about 30 weeks pregnant with Lydie.
At a conference.
In the public bathroom.

"Do you know what you're having?" some stranger asks me.
"A girl!" I respond.
"Is this your first?" 
"No, my second," I respond.  "I have a son at home."
"Done and done!" she exclaims.

I laughed.  And I thought, you might just be right.


  1. Until Life throws you a curveball.

    Be gentle with yourself…like you wrote in an earlier post, no one (except a Mom who's already lost a baby) goes into pregnancy thinking "She'll probably die though…"

    You're allowed to be rue the days when you were innocent. And it will probably be awhile before you can tolerate other innocents who ramble on about their 'guaranteed' unborn baby. We know better. It's hard not to look them hard in the eye and say, "Are you just STUPID?! What makes you think you'll bring this baby home?!"
    The thing that really, really sucks though?
    They usually do.
    And then we get to play the "Of course I don't REALLY want their baby to die, but there's a part of me that does because then it won't be just me with the shitty statistics and feeling so targeted and alone. Which makes me a terrible person." Because we don't have enough to feel bad about.
    (Hear the sarcasm…but it's true. Another facet to losing your baby that sticks.)

  2. Thanks Julie, this was incredibly helpful to me. You are so right on target. I do think that I was so stupid to be so sure she would be here an healthy, and you know, alive. But you're right - what mom thinks "she'll probably die though," especially in the third trimester? And I do rue those innocent days.


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