Monday, January 5, 2015

Two months

Two months ago, my daughter died.
Actually, that's not true.
I don't actually know when she died.
But two months ago, I found out she was dead.

Two months ago, my husband and I drove to the hospital so I could deliver our baby girl.  We drove to the hospital without the baby seat in the back.   We didn't pack the Boppy that was set aside for our hospital visit.  We did pack the little sister onesie I bought for Lydie the happy day that we found out she was a girl, but she never got to wear it.

Two months ago, my labor was induced.

Two months ago, I was waiting to give birth to death.
To my perfect, dead daughter.

Two months ago, I was still in absolute shock.

The worst day of my life.

2 comments:

  1. Yes.

    Yes.

    I don't think there's a greater horror. A greater quiet tragedy.

    The memories you hold - the ones you share, the ones you haven't…so many say they can't imagine - because they don't want to.

    You're beautiful, perfect daughter.
    She'll always be that. Even in death.

    Huge, tight, long hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That day was the worst. But you were so strong. And you are so strong. I am so proud of you for sharing Lydie's story, and her light. I love you and your perfect baby girl.

    ReplyDelete

 
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