I keep trying to take deep breaths, to cope with the near-constant anxiety in my life these days.
And then something like this just happens, and my blood is boiling:
My insurance company is denying claims from my hospital stay with Lydie.
You know how those bills are hard enough to swallow as it is? When your daughter dies, they are much, much harder.
A month or two ago, I told myself to suck it up, pay them, forget about it.
I told myself that it stings, but money is not the real issue here.
And now, Aetna is refusing to reimburse me out of my flexible spending account for the hospital bills. First they told me that I wasn't employed at that time (um, yes I was, I just was on leave). Then they asked if I was on maternity leave (to which I responded, "Well, my baby died, so I think it was technically a medical leave.") This week, they've confirmed my employment but are still refusing to reimburse me with my own damn money.
It's these things that are so frustrating in everyday life. I mean, had Lydie lived, I'd still be annoyed about it. But with Lydie dead? It is so much worse.
It's why I'm on the phone with the insurance agent in tears. (And I actually felt all right this morning and made the now-obvious mistake of putting on mascara).
It's why I didn't hold back in telling her that my daughter died and the fact that they are making me call time after time and argue with them does not help my anguish.
I hope they make a note of that in their file, because I have to call them again tomorrow to follow up.