After Lydie's death, I wanted to read everything I could get my hands on about stillbirth, child loss, and grief. And the public library, which is where Justin and I usually get our reading material, did not have much. The "My baby died, now what?" section was quite thin. Yet I stumbled on dozens of titles I wanted to read and purchased a few off Amazon or authors' websites. (Taking my grief shopping, shopping for grief!)
So a few months ago, I emailed the whole contact list for our support group, which included many parents who haven't attended in years, and asked if they'd like to donate books in memory of their children in order to begin a lending library for the support group.
And it turns out other baby loss parents also want others to have more resources available than they did. Lots of parents donated their personal books, while others purchased books for the lending library that they found most helpful after the death of their babies.
Through email, I got to talk to many of these parents and hear their stories. And once I received their books, I designed these book dedications in honor of their babies:
This is what I wish existed six months ago.
About 35 books are in our lending library in total and a few more on their way. If you need books suggestions, I have read most of them!
I told my therapist at one point that I find myself having a lack of motivation these days. A lot of things that used to seem important just don't anymore. She pointed out the lending library and my hard work on it, and asked if perhaps my motivation just shifted. I'm trying to remember that.